Azure
by Besarki
Summary: Belated birthday present for Smart Angel. Yoh never asked to be a freak.


Besarki: So, I promised Smart Angel I'd write her a fic for her birthday, but I've been super busy and so this ended up being weeks late. Sorry Smartsy. Hope this is super crazy angsty enough for you, though I know it won't be XP

Okay, before I start, let me clarify a few things: For starters, the number at the top of each passage is Yoh's age at the time. Roughly three years pass in between each passage.  
Second, the second passage tells of Yoh's early relationship with Anna. It takes place EXTREMELY EARLY in the Osorezan Revior arc. Early as in, around chapter 166. EARLY. He barely knows her and he's drawing conclusions.  
Third, this doesn't flow as one story. It's more like a series of short oneshots throughout Yoh's life.

There is next to no dialogue in this entire piece O.o which makes this really difficult to work with. There isn't any current speech until the second to last block. GASP! So, if you're reading through and are all OMFG! WHERE'S THE SPEAKERINGERING?! (What a fun word! I COIN IT NOW!) relax. It's there.

Disclaimer: Shaman King and all related elements belong to Takei Hiroyuki.

* * *

(_7_)

Yoh never asked to be a freak. He never asked to be "_devil boy_" or the weird kid that everyone avoided. He never asked to have no friends. He never asked to be different.

And yet, he never complained.

Yoh was always the quiet student during the two months he was actually in public school before his grandfather threw a fit and demanded he be taken out for training. He didn't put up a fight. He had no reason to. On the off day that he actually tried to talk to the other kids, he was typically ridiculed, teased, or just plain ignored.

_"You can see ghosts?"_ They would say. _"Like, real ghosts? Haha. You know, usually other kids spread rumors about the weird kids, and not the freaks themselves. Hahaha! You really are weird, Ghost Boy. I knew you were crazy, but..."_

That's how most conversations went: with Yoh being on the receiving end of all the cruelty. Even if he did nothing at all, it was always his fault.

He could take the hurtful stares and rumors and the cruel things the others said. He knew that they didn't really mean it. They just needed someone to be the bad guy, and he fit the bill.

Though his father had long since abandoned him and his grandfather was more preoccupied with him becoming a successful shaman rather than having any sort of a normal childhood, he didn't complain.

Even as the other kids whispered their nasty rumors and pointed their stubby little fingers, he never retaliated.

That's just the way he was.

Later in his life, Yoh would be told that his ability to hold his voice made him strong. Of course, by then it wouldn't even matter. The toll would already be paid, the harm already inflicted.

Yoh never asked to be a freak, but even freaks have feelings.  
**XXXXXXXXXXX  
**(_10_)

Her name was Kyoyama Anna, and she was the most _beautiful_ girl Yoh had ever laid eyes on. He would always deny that it was love at first sight, but deep down, he knew, sure as anything, that is was. From the very beginning, he loved her--so, _so_ much. He loved her more than the stars loved the moon. More than a fish loved the waves. More than a dog loved his master.

Anna was just like him: She was a lonely ghost-seer that the world viewed as an abnormality, and yet she endured in silence. She was different, but she didn't care.

Yoh found her perfect. Perfect in every way! She couldn't have been more perfect even had she been sculpted by one of the Buddhas themselves.

Anna was everything, perfect and everything he could ever want.

There was only one problem: She _hated_ him.

Yes, despite the fact that she showed little clear aversion to being his bride when they were of age, Yoh was sure that, in truth, Anna wanted absolutely _nothing_ to do with him. She despised him, and nothing would make her happier than him simply going away.

Why wouldn't she? He was just a loser. A freak... There was no silver lining here, no redeeming quality. He was nothing, and she...

It figured, it really did, that the first non-related person that Yoh ever _really _came to care for would reject him.

And yet, he couldn't bring himself to blame this golden-haired girl with eyes that displayed more pain than a thousand dying men.

He would always love her, even if she didn't love him in return...  
**XXXXXXXXXXX  
**(_13_)

He'd never felt so useless.

For the first time, he'd lost. He'd lost a battle. He'd lost the most important battle to date.

It wasn't just some common shaman fight, it was a face off--a two-man war with extremely high stakes, and he'd _lost_.

When Yoh lost the fight with Faust, he was overcome with feelings all but incomprehensible to him. The pain of failure, the agony of defeat. It was almost too much...

Though Anna didn't reprimand him as he'd thought she would and Manta didn't blame him for what happened, he couldn't help but feel...wrong. Totally and horribly _wrong_. Like the world could come crashing down on him at anytime. Then again, maybe it already was.

The memory of watching Manta run screaming out the hospital door was one that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

He should have known better than to think that after thirteen years of being lonely, that maybe he could have a friend. Just one. But then, he knew that was asking too much. He didn't deserve it, and he had to accept that. He had to, whether he wanted to or not...

He would always remember the horrible feeling that twisted and churned in the pit of his stomach, the tears he had to fight, the urge to recant his words as he watched his best friend run out of his life.

He let him go. He had to. He couldn't risk his safety. Never again could he risk his only friend's life. Never. He would go on with his own life and try in vain to convince himself that he didn't need his company. He didn't need any friends....

It was better this way.  
**XXXXXXXXXXX  
**(_16_)

Six years after Yoh met the mother, he met the son.

Born with a pair of ocher eyes and a head of wavy blond hair, the newborn child was named _Hana_, a combination of his mother's name and his father's. His name meant flower, though he was more beautiful than the most lustrous desert rose.

Asakura Hana was born in late 2001. He was arguably the best thing that ever happened to his parents, warring only with _their_ actual meeting--a half a dozen years prior.

The little shaman's surprise birth warranted bright congratulations and happy smiles all around. Many of Yoh's friends from the Shaman Fight came to visit him and his little family of three. They received blessings and good wishes along with many wonderful experiences. For the first time in years, he was happy. Really and truly. For a time, he could forget Hao's sacrifice, his father's death, and the events that had led to tragic ends that were met by many in the deadly battle called the Shaman Fight.

Yoh was happy. Totally and absolutely. It seemed that during those two long, blissful years, nothing could go wrong.

Unfortunately, something always does.

While Hana's birth was undoubtedly a blessing, it was also very surely a curse.

When Anna came to him that October afternoon, her eyes were bloodshot and he was sure she hadn't slept all night. He tried not to wonder why. Partially because he didn't need to know, though for the most part, he was just afraid he'd guess and get it right. Regrettably, he did allow himself to do so.

And his guess was right.

She came to remind him that they couldn't stay with their young son as they had already resolved to travel the world, bringing peace and stability to the less fortunate domains. They'd made a promise. They couldn't go back on it.

Their trip had been delayed, but there was too much riding on their performance to cancel it.

Yoh knew that Anna wanted to go just about as much as he did, but they'd already pushed it away once. They couldn't do it again. No matter how much they wanted to.

That very night, Yoh's heart wrenched in his chest as he kissed his young son goodbye, promising to return for him as soon as he could.

With tearful eyes and a heavy heart, he made for the door.  
**XXXXXXXXXXX  
**(_19_)

Yoh's hand retracted then snapped forward as he chucked a small pebble over a single strait of water. His eyes watched the tiny stone skip over the blue and then roll to a less-than-graceful stop on the opposite bank.

He sighed.

Behind him, a very different kind of rock watched him with barren eyes.

Anna was undoubtedly that: A rock. She was his rock. When times got rough, she was there--always with caring words and a firm backbone.

It was always nice to have someone to fall back on, though he held in confidence that when her time came, when she finally broke down, he'd have to be there for her. He didn't mind. It was the least he could do.

"Thinking about him again?" She asked solemnly.

He threw her a sad smile. "I know I shouldn't be...but I can't help it." His own mahogany eyes followed her as she stepped to his right and sat down beside him.

"I know," She said quietly. "I've felt the same way."

"You have?" He asked in surprise. The thought of Anna brooding over anything like this came to a bit of a shock to him.

"Of course," She replied. "He's our son. How could we be honest with ourselves in trying not to think of him? It just doesn't work like that."

Yoh's eyes turned back out to the lake. Anna was right. No matter how agonizingly painful it was to think of their son, it just wasn't realistic to try not to.

"You're right." He grinned weakly. "You're always right."

"Of course," She said plainly.

Impossibly, Yoh laughed.

His outburst was greeted with a curious look from his wife.

"I'm glad you came with me," He explained, turning to face her, then taking her hands in his and looking her squarely in her questioning eyes. "I know you didn't have to, and I know you probably wish you hadn't, but I really appreciate it."

"Yoh..."

"No, I really mean it. I don't know what I'd do without you. This wasn't your mission to go on and yet you came with me anyway."

"Yoh, you're being ridiculous. You and I both know that you would die out here without me."

His answering grin shone brilliantly. Sure, a lot of people hated Anna's dry wit and her cruel sense of humor, but to him, ever word spoken in her voice was more beautiful than a hundred thousand angels.

He kissed her lightly on the cheek then crawled back toward the tent, happy for her company, but even happier for her presence in his life.  
**XXXXXXXXXXX  
**(_22_)

"_TOU-CHAAAAAAAAAN!_" Hana whined impatiently.

Yoh laughed. "Hang on, Hana!"

"UGH! THIS IS SOOOO BORING!" He complained, kicking at the dirt beneath his feet. "I hate waiting!"

Yoh's smile remained as he backed up and then finally threw the soccer ball in from the outside of the painted white lines.

Hana bolted after it and then threw a carefully aimed kick at the black and white ball, sending it flying across the field towards the goal his father was guarding.

Yoh jumped in front, blocking the object and guiding it back toward his son's goal.

Defensively, Hana jumped in his way and prepared to fight him for the ball. Unfortunately, his took a wrong step and his foot lodged into a rut in the ground, sending him tumbling over and scraping his arm against a patch of coarse dried mud.

Yoh immediately abandoned the ball and bolted to the place where his son lay bleeding on the ground.

"Hana, Hana are you alright?" He asked desperately.

Hana gazed up at him, biting his lip while clearly fighting the tears that were dangerously close to spilling. He seemed to be avoiding speech at all costs lest his childish impulses get the best of him.

Yoh kneeled down next to him and checked the bloody scrape on his arm. It wasn't too deep but something had definitely cut into him.

"Hey, it's okay. It's just a little cut. That's all," He whispered soothingly.

Hana nodded his head, but it was beginning to look like he was losing his fight with the salty liquid in his tear ducts.

Yoh offered him an encouraging smile and reached forward to pick him up. "C'mere, big guy," He said as he pulled the little boy into his arms.

Hana sniveled, but easily allowed his father to pick him up, wrapping his arms around his neck and resting his head on his shoulder.

Yoh smiled and wrapped his arms around the young shaman. He gave him one last smile and then turned and headed for the inn.

Though he'd had a difficult upbringing, Yoh was pleased to say that everything had turned out all right after all. He had a wife and son whom he loved dearly, a humble little home, caring friends, and an overall good life. Everything had worked out. The world was at peace. Asakura Yoh was happy.

And tears of azure weren't falling anymore.

* * *

Besarki: Awww! I'm such a sucker for happy endings! Especially with Hana. I love that kid. (Sorry Smartsy! I know you wanted it mostly angst!) Speaking of which...

**ANGST DRIVE OVERLOAD! REPEAT: ANGST DRIVE OVERLOAD! EMERGENCY SHUT DOWN INITIATED! 3...2...1...BOOM! **In other words, I suck at angst and I ran out of angstyness after the 10 block so I ended up fading into a more hopeful tone with 22 being pretty much all hope and compassion. BWA! I was especially not fond of 13, though. I could have done a better job with that, BUT I WAS SO FREAKING LATE WITH THIS THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO REDO STUFF! Plus, I hate redoing what I don't have to so I usually don't. Smart Angel gave me permission to get a little lighter near the end so I readily jumped on that opportunity. Once upon a time, I could write a whole story all dark and dreary. Unfortunately, or maybe it's fortunately, I can't do that anymore. LET HUMOR AND NAIVETE RUN FREEEEEE!! So right, I suck at angst. I CAN'T DO IT!

I had to skew some facts on this one. Yoh and Anna don't leave until a few years after Hana's birth, predictably when they were either 18 or 19. My guess is 18 since they apparently graduated High School and then left. However, that was too angsty to pass up so I had to integrate it into one of the other age blocks. The 16 block is over a few years rather than just one year like the other ones. So, well, I guess that doesn't need an explanation. :D

I guess what I'm saying with this is that Yoh's life started out sucking but got gradually better until he was finally happy (after 20 freaking years!) Well, that's that. Happy belated birthday, Smart Angel!


End file.
